Halo Story Bible
The Halo Story Bible is a book thought to be written by Bungie Studios that holds the information of everything about the Halo Universe that would make Halopedia, if they ever acquired such a holy book, the rulers of the Halo Universe. But, everyone knows the book is actually the result of a Grunt with a pen. The Halo Story Bible has a lot of stories written by a Grunt prisoner in the Grunt Rebellion called Prisoner #095674723 (nicknamed "Gagua" for some stupid reason) and other Grunts who wrote additional gibberish after Gagua died. This book is the only thing that kept Gagua sane since he was isolated from all people except a sadistic Elite torturer. After 500 stories and an "unfortunate accident" later, Gagua died from excess torture and the Halo Story Bible was no longer in the hands of Gagua, but in the unimaginative and uncreative hands of Grunt aristocrats and Deacons.. After 1.6 million stories, though, it was now in Halo, where the Arbiter read a story from the book. The Arbiter was so amazed by the book, that he dropped the book somewhere in space E-Bay, and was compelled to let Halo be destroyed so he could be an Arbiter and finally betray the Covenant. The book is currently being destroyed and plagiarized by Jackals. The Halo Story Bible has different themes ranging from racism, sexism, murder, rape, polygamy, and corruption to traitorous behavior. Although the book has hundreds of diverse themes, it only has one main theme: stories of Grunts that are full of bullshit adventure. Gagua Gagua 1:34 They say that in the beginning times, there was only two grunts in Balaho. This is the story of those two, who were the ancestors of all grunts. "Tra-la-la!" said Gergrunt. Gergrunt was known to be the very first female grunt. She was very short compared to grunts of our time, but all grunts back then were shorter than a package of Food Nipple. "Who is that?" said Gurgrunt. Gurgrunt was known to be the second male grunt ever to exist, the first being cannibalized by both Gergrunt and Gurgrunt. He was almost identical to Gergrunt, but he was shorter than her. "What the hell do you mean 'who is that'? We're the only ones living in this swamp rock!" said Gergrunt angrily. "It is better you quiet down... the gods are hearing you know!" said Gurgrunt, almost whispering. "What gods? We haven't seen them since last year!" said Gergrunt. Grunts only lived up to 4 years back then, too, and one year is like 25 years. As soon as Gergrunt said that, a weird space thingy descended to the swampy planet. A ramp was formed by the spaceship. The two grunts were shaking in terror. Long, bird-like figures came out of the spaceship. They were Forerunners. "Who is the one who denies our presence!?" said the bird-thing on the left of the ramp. Gergrunt stepped forward, "It was the Jackals!" he lied, "They said you would never come back, then, they proceeded to become a cheap rip-off of the Tengu Warriors from the Power Rangers movie!" The Forerunners gracefully strode down the ramp towards the grunts. "Where are your prophets?" said one of the suicidal freaks. "Take me to them." They all walked through the disgusting beautiful swamp land. Gurgrunt whispered to Gergrunt, "You're just going to get us into a deeper mess by lying to them, you know this right?" Gergrunt shrugged off his comment. As being a female, Gergrunt knew the art of lying and decieving to get her way, even if it meant pretending to be on her 'comma', the Grunt version of a human females 'Period.' Another Extract: